100 Things Restaurant Guests Should Never Do (Part 1)
Though I agree with many of the rules recently published and widely shared in Bruce Buschel’s list of 100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do, it’s only right that diners keep their side of the bargain. This is a must for anyone dining out in a restaurant to memorize.
1. Do not stack your plates.
2. Do not tell your server you’re ready to order when you haven’t looked at the menu and force them to stand there while you discuss with each other what sounds good.
3. Do not ask your server to repeat something one second after they’ve finished saying it.
4. Do not ask for more water before your glass is half empty.
5. Do not make jokes about not wanting the bill – it’s already awkward enough, let it be.
6. Do not show up late for a reservation without calling.
7. Do not leave dirty tissues on the table.
8. Do not forget to say thank you.
9. Do not ignore a server when they have come to your table for a good reason – you’re at a restaurant, there is information you need to know, and your server is busy.
10. Do not tell your server you’re allergic to something after the first dish is already on the table.
11. Do not hand your server plates when they’re trying to clear – in order to carry many things, there has to be a system. Let them do their job.
12. Do not ask your server which of two things they would rather have and then choose the one they didn’t recommend – why waste everyone’s time by asking in the first place?
13. Do not ask for the dessert menu when main courses are being cleared. Every server and anyone who has ever eaten in a restaurant knows that dessert comes after dinner.
14. Do not mention the tip. Though we all know there will be a tip involved, it’s still uncomfortable and inappropriate.
15. Do not say “hey” to your server.
16. Do not ask your server their name unless you also want to share yours.
17. Do not ask your server “what else” they do.
18. Do not force their server to cut them off because they’re getting drunk.
19. Do not leave the handles of your silverware or sides of your plates covered in stickiness so it gets all over a server’s hands when they clear.
20. Do not remind your server of something you’ve asked for if they haven’t left the table since you’ve asked for it.
21. Do not touch your server. Ever. In any way, for any reason.
22. Do not try to get your servers attention when they are actively engaging with another table.
23. Do not put your feet up on a chair, banquet, anywhere.
24. Do not leave to smoke when you know food is about to arrive.
25. Do not continue slurping on your near empty glass of water when your waiter is standing next to you with the water pitcher.
26. Do not turn your wine glass upside down on the table to indicate you’re not having any wine.
27. Do not shower your server with compliments about the service, food, experience, and then leave a crappy tip .
28. Do not take the signed copy of the receipt with you. Your server cannot add a tip to your charge without it.
29. Do not respond to your server’s “Good evening” with an “I’ll have a dirty martini”.
30. Do not ask for a portion of your party to be seated when you know the remainder will be half hour late.
31. Do not wait to tell your server there was something wrong with a dish until after you’re eaten all of it.
32. Do not complain about finding hair in your food when it is clearly your own.
33. Never reek of perfume or cigarettes. Other people are trying to eat very close by.
34. Do not assume that cash is tip when splitting the bill among dining partners. Sometimes people pay in cash. This money goes towards the bill, not automatically the server. This seems to be very confusing to guests.
35. Do not expect your server to know whether mizuna is related to mache. If they can give a general description, flavor profile, and identify allergens, don’t also require a Wikipedia description of every item on the menu.
36. Never tell the server you know the chef in order to get special treatment.
37. Never snap you fingers. It might work in movies but in real life it makes people resent and ignore you.
38. Do not bring your date to a restaurant to break up with them.
39. Do not answer your phone at the table.
40. Do not use your laptop during dinner.
41. Do not treat the breadbasket like it’s your entree.
42. Never ask for the music to be changed. You’re not the only one listening and it is what it is for a reason.
43. Do not ask for “the best” table. Ask for one that is quiet or far from the door, but whose “best” are you talking about?
44. Never twist your neck out of shape to see down your server’s shirt.
45. Do not fail to mention any time constraints you have.
46. Never complain to your server about prices. It’s not up to them.
47. Do not bring your own packet of salad dressing.
48. Do not believe that a scratch ticket or a coupon counts as a tip.
49. Do not blow your nose on your napkin.
50. Avoid PDA that will make other customers uncomfortable. This includes handjobs. We all know what you’re doing under there and it’s just gross.
Part 2 is coming as soon as possible. Feel free to leave suggestions in the comments.
I love this Kate! So right on!
Do not ask for chopsticks if you are not in an asian restaurant
Do not split a bill if it is less than $10
Do not have sex in the bathroom
Do not do any kind of drinking ritual which involves slamming a glass as hard as you can on a table. Ever.
Do not be rude or dismissive to your significant other in front of your server.
Do not bring a handwritten drink recipe that takes up half a page.
Do not order off of the menu!
I could think of so many more! What a great Idea..
Austen said this on November 15th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Ah luvy, this brings lots of smiles to my face and chuckles. Ironically I have started a banquet serving job so I am on the other end of the field so to speak. So far it isn’t the customers (guests we are supposed to call them..) that bother me, it’s the bosses and other employees. I don’t know which is worse. I worked this bat mitvah that I’m guessing cost somewhere around 2 million dollars for one evening. Insanity..
Megan said this on November 16th, 2009 at 7:39 am
I’m with you on everything except #3. It’s a pet peeve to not have the specials written down so that I’m expected to remember a long list of items. Inevitably, it comes to the end and I can’t remember the first one or the last one – never the ones in between. So, yes, I ask to have it repeated.
Lauren said this on November 16th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
you did such a great job!! especially don’t touch your server!!!! AHHHHH!!! nothing makes me “break character” faster.
here are a few more I thought of….
Respect the professional distance between you and your server, and remember that regardless if they are attractive, polite and helpful, it’s because it’s their job, not because they are interested in you.
Never say “I hated it” when your plate is clean after a meal
Never expect your server to be an accessory/accomplice to your charm, if you want to show off your wine knowledge/look funny or smart don’t hold a server hostage and belittle or annoy them.
Never interrupt a bartender in the process of mixing a drink, telling them what is and isn’t in your drink…this drink may not be for you.
Don’t expect the kitchen to be willing and able to do anything you could want, and don’t punish your server for not being able to work magic, they are not the chef.
Don’t interrupt the presentation of the specials, citing ingredients you read off of the specials board. A.) telling the specials is not your job, and B.) not all of the information has necessarily been written.
Don’t assume that your server is an idiot because they work in the service industry, be respectful of another human being of equal stature.
If you come to a restaurant with children, control them.
Don’t name drop the chef or the owner…your server knows them too.
Don’t ask what’s good without reading the menu, we all have a job to do here, yours is to decide what you’d like to eat, make an effort.
Don’t expect that every restaurant has vegetarian options, read the menu on the window before coming in, and do not expect the chef to cater to your taste.
Alison said this on November 17th, 2009 at 2:03 am
I love your list. Mine is a bit more crude though.
http://thebitchywaiter.blogspot.com/2009/11/to-do-or-not-to-do-that-is-question.html
The Bitchy Waiter said this on November 30th, 2009 at 8:17 am
[...] it took awhile, but the second set of rules are just as important as the first. [...]
Pat My Butter » Blog Archive » 100 Things A Restaurant Guest Should Never Do (Part 2) said this on December 2nd, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Ahh Kate, what an expertly assembled list. These rules are so obvious to us and so lost on the masses. I once had a guest clip his toe nails at the table!! I wanted to use a taser on him. What an arse of a person!
miss flowers said this on January 31st, 2010 at 1:06 pm